beware!

a girl friend of one of anita's friends suggested that i go see a "bomoh". To non malay speakers, a "bomoh" is similar to a faith healer, supposedly.
let me call anita's girl friend minah ( not real name ) related her own experience. she went to see this bomoh because she was depressed when her ex-boyfriend dumped her. according to her, the bomoh helped her to find inner peace. according to her also, the bomoh used religious rites - what ever that means!

perhaps i was desperate. perhaps i was curious. but i went against my instinct and asked minah to take me to the bomoh, far away beyond hulu langat.

we left about 6pm, and she drove while anita was in the front passenger seat and i was in deep thought about nothing at the back. i must have fallen asleep, because when anita woke me up we were already in front of a wooden house surrounded by trees, in a village. the whole area was quite dark, despite the house being quite near to the road and being lit by fluorescent lamp.

after the normal greetings led by minah, we settled on some worn out sofas.
the bomoh was no where to be seen, and according to the wife he was praying, as it was maghrib time. the knowledge that he was praying somewhat gave me confidence and calmed me down a bit. minah was right when she said the guy was religious, i thought to myself.
anita and minah tried to make small talk with the wife. i simply was talking with myself, to myself, about myself. i had doubt about the whole thing. perhaps i am too modern, but i was just not convinced that a bomoh can solve my problem. and i wasn't even sure what my problem was in the first place.
but, minah seemed to think that my problem was that rick's first wife have casted a spell of black magic onto me. anita told me to give it a try, "afterall, u hv nothing to lose" she said.

after about 30 minutes of waiting, the wife suddenly asked me to enter a room. i hesitated, and motioned to anita to follow me.
"masuk sorang" said the wife. (it means "enter alone" )
anita held my hand and assured me that everything will be okey.
minah just smiled.

i entered a room - dim and lit only by a kerosine lamp. and 'he' was sitted on a yellow pillow against a wall. the room was filled with smell of something that reminded me of indian temple. he asked me to close the door, and lie down on my back on the matress in front of him. i was scared and simply obeyed as told.
that was the last i remember - until it was too late.
when i woke up from what seemed like a long sleep, my nipples and private part were hurting.
'he' reminded me not to say anything to anyone about my pain as "bad thing" will happen if i do.
i cried. i realized what had happened.
then he gave me water to drink.
i drank.
then i felt calm and relax. like magic, i was feeling like i was floating.
the pain dissappeared.
then i became talkative and merry, asking him what had happened, and what was my problem?
he simply told me that 'something, like a bad spirit' was passing by and decided to enter my body. something i should not worry about. 'he' gave me a bottle of mineral water which he asked me to drink everytime i felt depressed, sad or anxious.
then, he told me i had to pay him rm999 as "pengkeras" ( i dont even know how to translate this word ). i told him, i did not have that much. he said then i don't have to pay - but i have to promise not to tell anyone about my pain. the pain was because he had to remove the 'bad spirit' by surgery "batin" ( spritual surgery ) which he had operated.

we left the house with me singing away in the car. anita was happy to see the change in me. minah was proud that she had helped me.
i was singing to avoid having to talk, to answer their questions and to explain what had happened. I needed time to think through about the whole experience.
after a few songs, i cried. i sobbed. anita thought i was overwhelmed because my problem had dissappeared. minah thought the same. then i sang again. i sang sharifah aini's "bunga tanjung".
how on earth i could remember the lyrics at that instant really puzzled me, but i sang like a pro.
anita clapped hands when i finished. i just smiled and said i wanted to relax for the rest of teh journey. they both left me to be with myself.

that was like 36 hours ago. now i can see clearly what has happened.
i have discarded the bottle of mineral water.
i have decided not to talk to anyone who knows me about the experience.
but i have decided to write an entry about it.
even anita does not know.
and fortunately, anita does not know my blog.

friends, beware of 'bomoh'. sorry, i will qualify that - beware of some 'bomoh'.
there are good 'bomoh' i think. but, the best way is to really do your homework to find a really good and trustworthy one.

now, i am anxiously waiting for my next menses. i hope it comes per schedule. otherwise i could not bear to think - what do i do with "the bomoh's" baby. the thought of another abortion makes me shivers. i will wait, and hope for the best. hope......is there still hope?
perhaps, the answer will come when i am faced with the problem.
perhaps, life ain't worth living anyway.
perhaps, those people who makes fun of my predicament will have a good reason to laugh amongst themselves - aha serves her right!, they would say.
perhaps, there are already many of the "bomohs" babies being discarded in drains and in rubbish dumps by many unsuspecting girls like minah and myself.
perhaps, this is punishment for me.

tonight, i am sane when i am writing this entry.
perhaps tomorrow i will be sane no more - and all my worries will dissappear.

if i do go insane,
please may someone copy this entry and send it around to others as a warning and reminder - not all that glitters is gold.
that, 'madu' is sweet but can also be very bitter.
a reminder to always be careful not matter what - trust only yourself and your instinct.
our instint is the gift for us from those who loved us but who have left this world before us. they were guiding us to do the right thing by giving us "instincts".